~~ Tips and Ideas ~~
Most people have heard
of the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would
have them do unto you."
In mediation, we often
hear that one or both parties has followed the golden rule with
the best of intentions, yet has gotten a negative reaction from
the other person.
Why is this? The recipient
of the "golden rule" action explains that they wanted
something quite different.
From experiences like this,
the "platinum rule" has evolved: "Do unto others
as THEY would have you do unto them."
In other words, don't assume
that others want what you want, or that what works for you will
work for them.
Following the "platinum
rule" means checking with the other person about what they
want, and listening attentively so that you understand them.
Once you understand, it
may be necessary to communicate your own views and needs. If
there are significant differences between you, take the time
to understand each other's underlying goals and needs.
When you understand each
other, then let your negotiations begin!
Confluence Center for
Mediation & Training
15500-H NW Ferry Road
Portland OR 97231-1355
The URL for this site is http://www.ConfluenceCenter.com